Friday, November 7, 2008

Mrs.Movie Phone

One of the best things about living in NYC is the complete and utter acceptability of doing things by yourself.  It's one of the few places where, even on a Saturday night, you can go to a restaurant and see a random (insert man-woman-old lady)  having dinner alone at a table for two and think nothing of it.  No reading materials required, pull up a chair, enjoy your meal and people watch to your heart's content.  

With all of my newly acquired free time, I decided I would take advantage of one of New York's other favorite solo activities.  The movies.  It doesn't hurt that on every Friday, Saturday and Sunday any movie at my local theater is only $6 if you go before noon (that's only $1 more than renting one On-Demand and about $6 less if that On-Demand selection is a porno.)  Can't beat that. 

As I logged onto Fandango last night to check out my options, I thought to myself, "Finally!  Now is my chance to see all the 27 Dresses-Sex and the City-Made of Honor-Other Boelyn Girl crap that I always want to see and that T refuses to!" I pulled up my theater's show times, excitedly scrolled down the page to check out my choices and then my face dropped.  With my choices being Madagascar, Role Models, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, or Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, I watched my girly day go out the window and unpacked the mini-Kleenex from my purse.  Clearly I wouldn't be needing them.

After a quick trip to RottenTomatoes, I decided that I would go to the 10:50am showing of Role Models, then swiftly switched on my inner neurotic and moved my browser to DietFacts to figure out exactly how I can work a tub of Popcorn into my day.  It took me a good year and a half to stop equating the movies with an all out Salty-Sweet-Crunchy-Chewy binge fest, but I just couldn't imagine this momentous AM-Solo Flight without those delicious,  salt soaked kernels to pop in my mouth one by one in my best effort to make the bag last the entire movie.  Thus, after doing my research, I decided the only way to go was to wake up late, go to the gym, and swap my normally nutrition packed breakfast and lunch for a small movie theater popcorn brunch and a hot chocolate.  Best move I've made all year.

I dressed carefully doing my best NYU Freshman impression by throwing on my skinniest jeans, a pair of Convos and a bright thermal shirt, messed up my hair just right and headed out the door.  I don't know what gets into me, but with each new activity, I get so excited and this time I practically skipped up to the box office to buy my ticket.  I ordered my popcorn, let the girl behind the counter  convince me to get a medium before making her dump it out and change it back to a small and within seconds was climbing the stairs to my favorite seat.  2nd to last row, right smack in the middle.  I scanned the theater and saw 9 other people.  The crowd consisted of about 7 dudes scattered around and one couple fiercely tounging each other down in the front row. Hot.  

Trying to hold out until after the previews, but failing miserably, I began the one-by-one pick a piece of popcorn and put it in your mouth dance which lasted until about 15 minutes into the movie at which point I was grabbing handfuls that were clearly too big to shove into my mouth, but doing my best to get them in there anyway.  The best part was that I had no need to be embarrassed.  I wasn't squeezed into a packed row, so surrounded by people, that I had to watch the angle of my knees as not to disturb the person next to me.  There was no one within 50 seats of me.  I was free to pick up my practically finished bag of popcorn, tilt up my chin and dump every last crumb into my mouth.  Honestly, I could've put my hand down my pants if I wanted to and no one would've been the wiser, but I resisted.  

The movie itself was hysterical.  It was Juvenile, Chauvinist, and every time I laughed at a boob joke, the fact that I was laughing along with the 19 year old two rows in front of me who was still wearing his oversize headphones, made me laugh even louder.  The only bad part was when, inevitably, about 45 minutes into the movie, I had to pee.  Now generally, when I'm there on a Friday night with T, I ask him to watch my bag as I sheepishly apologize to all the people who need to move so I can get to the aisle and run to the bathroom.  But here I was, by myself, a big bottle of water, my jacket and my purse marking my territory.  Should I pick it all up, lug it to the ladies room, have the 9 other people there look at me strangely like I was leaving the theater and then lug it all back?  I started panicking, toying with the option of leaving the bag, jacket and water and just taking my wallet and blackberry with me?  What the hell was I going to do?  
What I did was hold it. Painfully. For the next 50 minutes.  I just didn't see any other options. There was no one to watch my stuff and no one to fill me in on what I missed.  I had no choice.  

2 hours, one bag of popcorn and the longest pee of my life later, I'm back home having enjoyed yet another "social experiment" and chronicling it here.  What's next on my list?  Stay tuned to find out and your suggestions are always welcome.  You say, I'll do it (maybe).

1 comment:

BurnTees said...

so jealous...not fair!